I cheated

Hello ladies,

Couple months ago I made the stupid decision to cheat on my current boyfriend with my ex.

This happened on the end of January. I was highly intoxicated and we were in a major argument where I was under the impression we were done as he expressed that he didn’t want to see me again. While I understand it does not justify it I think it’s what drove me to do what I did.

The next day of the argument we worked our differences out and I did not had the pants to come clean.

Since then, I’ve been very insecure, constantly accusing him of things, looking for little things to start an argument. I feel like I have changed him significantly and not for the better.

He has done pretty fucked up things but it does not compare to everything I’ve put him through.

I still do love him, a lot!

My question is the following; do I pursue to have a relationship with him, beg for his forgiveness ( I know he still loves me and we came to the agreement to wait a week to see if we both want a relationship) or do I let him go, I find the help I need to get over my issues and allow him to find the girl he deserves?