Please help

I’m not sure where to start this might be a lot... so I wanna sleep with different guys while I’m in a relationship and he doesn’t want me to... I love my boyfriend so much.... and sometimes he doesn’t pay much attention to me.... my last relationship I was allowed to and we would swing.... and I have a lot of trauma in my past.... I was raped at a very young age... I thought I could trust my moms ex boyfriend but I thought wrong... I’m just lost for words.... I’ve cheated now 4 times I just sent nudes to other guys...