I’ve been there and it will get easier, I promise 🧡
I had just given birth, they look me from the birth room to the postnatal ward. I was the happiest I’d had been in my whole life. But I was also exhausted, I had two cuts on my vag, my back and legs were sore, I had a catheter inserted into my bladder hanging on one side of my bed, a drip on the other side. I needed a shower. I had to deal with those hormones that left my emotions all over the place. My heartbeats were constantly high. I had to keep drinking lots of water. I had to keep bringing my catheter and drip to the toilet to pee with me. I was in bits. In the middle of all this I was breastfeeding every 3 hours. My nipples were sore. I was lucky to have husband there to change all the nappies during the day. I was even luckier I had an extremely kind midwife who would change the baby for me during the night. I had doctors coming 3 times a day to get bloods and check my heartbeats. It was so noisy all time in the hospital, doors banging, trolleys, babies crying, my baby crying, the loud beep from the beds, people talking... I did not sleep for 4 days. When I was finally discharged I didn’t even bother to dress baby in “going home outfit”, she was perfectly fine in the pjs she was wearing and all I wanted was just to go home and lie on my own bed. When I got home my mom was there and had a delicious homely meal prepared waiting for me. I had hallucinations during dinner, I could hear songs that apparently only I could. I finally went to bed and was able to sleep for 2 hours, I had forgotten what was it to have a dream. From there, everything started to get a bit easier every day 🧡
I got a bit emotional writing this as this was the first time I stoped to revisit everything that happened 10 months ago. I never took 1 single photo in the postnatal ward as I didn’t want to remember any of that.. I regret that, I wish I had a photo of me in that situation that I could look back at now and realise how much everything improved and how worth it it all was!
I know you are struggling in different ways and I really, really do hope your recovery is an easy one.
And if you feel like you are in a black hole right now, know that it’s only temporary and everything will get better a little bit every day!
Sending lots of love!