EDIT 2: Thank you for some of the kind words. Some of you have been supportive and I appreciate that.

To the others that still feel the need to bash me and say I’m a dummy and need to get slapped, until you’ve walked a mile in my shoes you have no right to say those things to me. Or maybe you’re just feeding off of the energy from my husband and feel the need to jump on the bandwagon and tear me down some more? Thanks.

As for my medical assisting job...not a degree. I would make $14/hr which brings home roughly $2000/month. After $1000for rent (just for those who don’t understand, I can’t get assistance for rent until we are officially divorced, I’ve looked into it), $400 MINIMUM for food for 3 boys (one of which is a teenager), $450 for my leased car, I’m left with $150 for gas and utilities. I won’t have anything left for tv or internet which the boys need for school or even a phone. It might seem like and easy decision for you, but it’s not for me. I put my kids above everything and knowing that I would be taking everything away from them just breaks my heart.

I’ve gone through the options again and again.

Ugh I don’t even know why I posted this. I know I’m in a tough situation. I know both options suck. I know I deserve better. I know he’s an asshole.

EDIT: My children know nothing of our marital issues. They are blissfully unaware. I feel like children should never have to take part in those things and should just be allowed to be kids.

I need some advice.

A little background:

I’m almost 35, no degree, a medical assistant, married for 3 years, together for 7, previously divorced with 3 kids and my husband has one of his own from a previous relationship. He was diagnosed with Alcohol Dependent PTSD after separating from the Marine Corps.

Back to the subject...my husband cheats. I’m not sure how many times physically in the beginning of our relationship but I know for sure one time physically since we got married and many times via texting and phone calls.

Fast forward 3 years and we break up. I’ve finally had enough. A few months later, he said he would completely change and for about a year I saw it and was finally trusting him and we got married. (I know, not the smartest thing to do but when you love someone, sometimes you put blinders on). I’m a fixer. Always have been.

He only cheats when he’s drunk...and I guess because of the diagnosis, I feel like he’s partially not to blame? He spent almost 4 years straight in Iraq as a Marine. He’s scarred.

So almost every time he used to get drunk, he would sext old girlfriends. Every time I would leave town for any reason or was at work, he would sext them. Some of them would talk dirty back and some wouldn’t. Stupidly and drunkenly, he would leave his phone turned up and in the middle of the night he would get responses from them. Of course I’m wondering who is texting him at 2am so I just look at who it is and when I see it’s an ex, I would wake him up and ask him to check it.

He gets mad at me every single time for catching him. 3 years into marriage and he still gets angry and says awful things when I catch him. Tells me how I just don’t do it for his sexually anymore and how there’s literally nothing good about me that makes him want to be with me...it’s just easy. Then he sobers up and the next day tells me how sorry he is and doesn’t want to hurt me.

We have a life. I stay home with the kids because he has a great job that pays amazingly and has excellent benefits. Our kids would be completely devastated if we were to split. Not to mention I have no way of being able to afford rent, my car payment, food, gas, and just the necessities on my measly medical assisting pay. We don’t have kids together so it’s not like he would pay me child support to help and I share my kids with my ex so there’s no child support there.

If he goes to an addiction program, we lose out on his pay which would devastate us. He works 6 days a week most weeks.

Sorry this is so long, I just need some real advice. Please don’t bash me. I know I should’ve left long ago but I’m here now.