So I’ve posted about this before, but it’s been months and I’m ANGRY

In the beginning of December my grandmother passed away. She lived a long life and we knew it was coming, so this whole post isn’t as morbid as it’s starting of to sound. On the way back to the second half of her wake, my sister was talking to our family friend, let’s call him Joe, who had been engaged for a few months. Joe is a little bit younger than me and he and his fiancée are in the same financial situation as my boyfriend and I. His fiancée had finished her masters last year and gotten a job (as had I) and he had one more semester of field work and wasn’t working (as had my boyfriend). My boyfriend and I are sitting in the back seat and I make a comment about the situation being similar. They don’t live together because one income isn’t enough for rent on Long Island, same as our situation. So my boyfriend mumbles “well if your sister waited three weeks she could be having the same conversation with us,” implying that he planned on proposing. We had decided previously to use my grandma’s engagement ring and we dropped it off at the jeweler to be sized. I went to pick up the ring because he was busy and I gave it to him before Christmas, anticipating a holiday proposal. Christmas <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a> went by. Christmas Day I spent the whole day listening to his cousins and sister talk about planning their weddings (which I can’t chime in on because I can’t presume I’ll be family—his mom is a bitch). That night I made a comment and he lost it. Going off about “why do we have to get engaged now? What’s the difference if it’s in March or April?” And he didn’t like when I told him that he was the one who said he was proposing. I told him to go home and I canceled my plans to go into the city with him and his family the next day. I asked for the ring back and told him I’d had enough of his attitude. We’ve been together four years and if you want to lie, then I’m fed up. He begged me to go with him into the city and bring the ring and I refused because that’s not how I wanted to get engaged. As a pity response because he messed up. So then he said he’d do it “soon” within the first few weeks of January. Our anniversary is the 10th, so I kind of expected it. He got angry when I brought up the fact that he didn’t even get me a card or make any effort to plan for us to do something. Then he promised “without a doubt” he’d propose by Valentine’s Day. HE GOT ME A WIFE CARD. And still wouldn’t propose. So now it’s June. He said after graduation. He graduated last month. And now he’s saying later. He keeps pushing it off and doesn’t understand why I don’t believe he’ll ever propose. I want to leave and he keeps promising to propose and never does. It has been four and a half years. I have watched friends who were single when we started dating get married and have babies. I can’t even get him to propose with a ring he didn’t have to pay for. That tells me he’ll never do it. And he just keeps saying he will to string me along and manipulate me.

Oh. And in April he had the nerve to tell me as far as he was concerned we were already engaged. So I wore the ring for a little while and we “decided” to be engaged. But I stopped, and told he I didn’t agree that we were engaged, because he refused to tell a single person. Not his family. Not a friend. No one. And he couldn’t come up with anything nice to say or show any sort of affection.

I’m fed up.