please help...

so i’m wondering if i can go to the doctor without my parents finding out. i want to get tested but my mom has the password to my portal (gyno records) and i’m on my dad’s insurance so he gets the bill, and even though i don’t talk to him he still brings it up to my mom when he gets it.

the only reason i want to get tested without my mom knowing is because i’ve had a boyfriend who i’ve been with for almost two years, and no, i didn’t cheat on him, but i don’t want her to think that i did and i can’t tell her the reason i want to get tested because, well, it’s embarrassing enough and already makes me want to die with only me knowing as it is. i used a friends vibrator and i dont know how long before i used it that she did and before anyone says that’s disgusting or whatever, i know, and i already don’t even feel like a person anymore so any unkind words would be really destructive right now.

if i have something i’m literally going to kill myself. i don’t know why i did that it’s not something i would normally do but it’s been weeks and the anxiety it’s giving me is getting to be unhealthy.

i don’t go for my annual exam until december and if i have something that can mess up my reproductive system i don’t want to wait that long. please, if you have any guidance or advice feel free to leave it