feeling worthless

little background.. my mom was a VERY bad alcoholic when i was abt 11-13 and it was the worst time bc my sister was getting married, i was going through that part in life where you are going through changes and need your mom the most. I’m the 4th out of 5 kids (older brother 2 older sisters and a younger brother) and she always hurt us all. but for some reason targeted me the most. told me so much but some examples are that i was the stupid spoiled brat of the family and that i would never be like my other siblings and how i only liked my dad bc he gave me things. which is not true. we don’t have money like that, i’ve just always been a “daddy’s girl”. especially bc i never got to know my mom for who she was. my parents divorced when i was 7 and it was her choice. she wanted a break so he was respecting that and they were going to get back together but she wound up putting a restraining order on him and divorced him. Only a few months ago me and my sisters were talking abt her “crazy stage” which is good to get it out and talk abt but they told me things that i didn’t know that she did to my dad and whatnot. i’ve also whitnessed at a young age her getting my ex step dad to threaten my dad, try breaking in our house while we were home and so much more. and after they broke up(my ex step dad) she was always so involved in men more then her children. ANYWAYS i could go on for years saying much more but i mainly wanna day i feel like the fuck up of the family and nothing hurts more. i do not live with her ( and her new husband) but we have a pretty good relationship now but at the same time it’s mild. she never pays for anything of mine either. always my dad. i am a bit jealous and sad bc ik my sisters especially bc there the oldest and close in age got to grow up seeing there parents together more then i did. i don’t even remeber my parents rlly being together. she’s always talked so bad abt my dad since i was young. and ik its not true bc my dad was always the good guy. she’s very manipulative and doesent accept any opinions but hers. anyways what i’m trying to really get at is i’m thankful for my life. but why did this have to happen to me? why do i have to feel like i’m the least favorite child and that i’m a spoiled brat? why do i have to gtb feeling this way. and sometimes i talk to my dad abt it but he doesent truly get it. everyone makes little comments that hints to me they think i’m a brat. yeah i have an attitude sometimes but ima teenager.. what else can i do? i’m also abt to start my period so ik that’s partially why i’m so emotional but in all real ness i always feel like this and just brush it away. i’ve tried counseling, and other things but nothing works. i know it wasn’t my fault that she was like that but i can’t help but hurt. i’m just thankful my dad works his ass off and stayed by our side through everything bc if it wasn’t for him who knows where we’d be. one of the most painful things hearing was that she wasn’t ever gonna be there for me in life, wasn’t going to see my graduate, get married, have kids or anything all bc i said i wanted to permanently live with my dad bc she was hurting me too much. i need all the feedback i can get plz💔 and share your story or message me if youde like. it would be muchly appreciated. and i’m sorry if y’all as to read this all. I just need y’all help and and opinions.