This is longer than I anticipated, sorry! Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read and give me advice.

Has anyone had a partner who had cold feet when things get serious? My boyfriend and I have been together a little over 3 years and we’re both very financially stable (he works in business and I’m a speech-language pathologist) and at a good place in our lives. I finally moved back to the Philly area (where we’re both from) after finishing my bachelor’s in Mississippi and my master’s in Cincinnati. We are 9 years apart (he’s 33 and I’m 24). I think it’s time for us to move in together. I mean we practically live together spending weeks at a time at each other’s places and vacation homes and other international vacations. I’ve also talked about wanting engagement soon as I want a long engagement (at least a few years). Everytime I put on a little pressure, he gets cold feet and thinks we should split. Then without fail, he always comes back and says he made a mistake and just got freaked out. He always says he loves me but “isn’t ready” or thinks “we have different views on things”. I understand getting cold feet- I do too!- but after this has happened so many times, I’m beginning not to trust him. I don’t want to wake up one day when we’re engaged or married to him walking out for no good reason. We want the same things out of life- a successful career, no kids, travel. I’m just feeling really defeated because I love this man, I know he loves me, I just can’t do this turmoil. It’s also kind of starting a bad cycle as when he does this, I lose trust each time, needing more security and commitment to feel safe again; hence, me wanting to move in and get engaged (and yes, I already know this isn’t the best way to go about it but I have needs too, and he’s put my heart through the ringer). Idk what to do. I’m really hoping someone else can relate to me and tell me how you got through this. It’s been a really difficult time for me and I’m looking for some support, not criticism.