I am trying my hardest to not be angry....

My babys father cheated on me a week after we found out we were pregnant. Alot of times, all I can see is what I saw when I walked in. Him and her laying together, clothes all over the room we shared. I am constantly hurting from this. Afterwards, since he knew I had problems with depression, he basically wanted me to stay with him for day. He talked to me like nothing happened. He got mad at me for being mad with him. He stated that I had to deal with certain consequences. Of what? Being down and out, not being able to pleasure you for weeks? How do you plan to act after I give birth and I must heal for weeks? It's hard to see all the beautiful mothers with their SO, creating memories, making a nursery, uplifting one another. I find myself avoiding pregnant moms wherever I go.

He showed me on that day that he did not care about me. I still tried to make it work. I still stayed, I even tried pleasing him when I did not want to. I finally had to move out, I told him I needed space. This of course made things worse. He wouldn't contact me or answer my calls for weeks on end. He would claim to want to come to appointments and miss every single one. But it was my fault he missed them because I "should have reminded him". He has given me a carseat, stroller, and 100 dollars during this whole pregnancy.

He expects me to please him whenever I see him. Yet, you don't see me for weeks? You gave me a trich, and when I told you, you acted as if it was my fault. Thinking you cared about the safety of my baby, I let you give me the same thing again. You didn't even go get tested? The last time I asked you for financial help, you claimed I could have everything I needed if i stayed with you. But i would not have trust in you, I would not have loyalty from you, or respect. You haven't tried not once to not smoke around your pregnant girl, why is that?

I know why. You dgaf. Because of this baby, I've tried giving you chance after chance, and you showed me every time, you did not care. No matter the disrespect you have shown me, I have always respected you. In a way, it scared me to lose you. But what am I losing besides pain and unhealthy habits? I hate that you almost made me hate the beautiful life growing inside of me. But no more.

Well now it is my time to show you. My baby will flourish with the love of my family, she will not ever need you. She may want you, but her needs will be met. I will learn to love myself in order to find a man who loves me correctly. I will have an amazing job and give my daughter the best of everything. She will not feel she lacks anything in life, and neither will I.

I will progress, I will be better. I will fill the void you made with love.