Vent n help

Police came out and took details and spoke to my mom as I never wanted to speak to them cause I would’ve cried and they had already messed up by going to his when they was meant to come to mine because they got the addresses mixed up which I don’t see how.

The said they can refer me to some counselling thing if I needed and got a statement off my mom. She mentioned my “friends” name to them and then his friends name. As my friend has been in trouble with the police they got all his details. They said what his friend done classed as rape aswell as sexual assault.

They want me to provide evidence to see if they can take it further they think that I should and so do mom and so do I. However I already feel failed but them as my abusers are probably sat there coming up with a story to make it look like I’m lying. Also he knows a lot of people and a lot of them know me both of these things put me off taking it further.

A specialist has just rang and said she would like if they came out to talk to me again in the morning as they only have 48 hours to work with it and “if he’s done this to you he needs to answer as to why he has” which is true but again the two reasons I’ve just stated and the fact that I couldn’t ever stand up in court as my anxiety will kick in and get bad and also because I don’t want to be seen as a snitch around my area he has already degraded me for over 300 hundred people to see on Instagram of me giving head because his friend put his dick in my mouth when I said no(the no part wasn’t in the video). I feel failed anyway as much as I want to keep this investigation going I don’t want to wait so long because while I’m healing and trying to move forward that will just cause me to back track by having them bring it back up. They said it could take up to 12 months. Also I don’t fancy stripping off and letting someone swap me. I’ve had enough of people being near my genitals and mouth.

I couldn’t even speak to them as I felt failed before I even knew they was coming out so my mom gave a statement of what I had said.

I got through rape once I can do it again even without their prosecution.

What will happen now as they’ve got his details etc but just do not have any evidence as I didn’t give them any and said I will think about it.