The title is fairly straightforward but here’s a bit of explanation for those that feel they need to it give an appropriate answer.

We’ve been together for a year and a half so we’ve definitely settled into a comfortable stage and we don’t have any major or recurring issues in our relationship. Overall it’s very happy and healthy.

But, these past couple weeks have been a bit annoying to me. He started working on a vegetable garden a few months back and now he’s stressed every single day about it. And I totally understand the anxiety of investing time, effort, and money into something that doesn’t work out. But it’s getting very tiring trying to reassure him every single day about the garden. I try to give him advice or send him helpful resources but he’s always so frustrated with himself that he completely shuts down and wants to come to me but doesn’t want to listen to what I say. This is frustrating in the aspect of, why bother coming to me if you’re going to throw away everything I say? It’s also upsetting that whenever I’m stressed and need to vent, there’s just no space in our conversations for me to do so.

On top of that, it just feels like he never really does anything for me. About two months ago we created lists for each other about what we like from the other. Things like flowers, a cup of coffee, a chocolate bar, letters, etc. But it feels like making that was pointless because I seem to be the only one that refers back to it. I’m not wanting an elaborate or expensive gift. Just a short love letter and maybe a dollar chocolate bar would make me feel more appreciated and cared for.

THE MAIN QUESTIONS: Is this mindset selfish? Obviously this is only my experience and thoughts and not his but it’s hard for me to tell if I’m being reasonable or not. And the big one, how do I bring this up without making him feel bad? I don’t want to cause him to shut down or make him feel like he can’t come to me anymore.