Mental health rollercoaster.

I’m 4 weeks postpartum and I was diagnosed with postnatal depression really early on like a week in. This is because of how intensely low I was feeling ALL the time and unable to bond with my baby. My mood improved a little, i was still feeling down, don’t want to be a mum etc etc and I started sertraline 10 days ago. A few days ago I felt so low and depressed I was thinking about overdosing and I have never had those thoughts before but I just didn’t know how to cope. I told my health visitor (who is amazing and came out and sat with me for 2 hours the next day) and she referred to a perinatal mental health nurse who is coming out to assess me on Monday. Since that night I’ve been feeling ok and haven’t cried. Don’t get me wrong I still hate being a mum, I still don’t love my daughter (I do care about her). I’ve also not been enjoying my partners company, he told me we are drifting and it’s upsetting him but I just want left alone but I don’t *feel* depressed anymore I just feel “meh”. Now I’m worried I’m wasting their time with the assessment on Monday because maybe it isn’t postnatal depression maybe I just don’t like being a mum and that’s just who I am.