Recovery is a struggle

I got my welcome chip at NA on Friday. I’m two days clean from crystal. I really want to live a sober life and move on to be a lot healthier and make better choices. I was a victim of domestic violence. I didn’t use these drugs until I literally wanted to kill myself. I didn’t thank God but now I’m haunted by this drug the Devil handed me. I’m struggling really hard today and want to use. I keep telling myself no but then I keep telling myself why not. It’s a tough game to play with the Devil. I’m struggling. I’m fighting. I hope to get another chip that’s what I have to look forward to. I’m surrounding myself with people who care about me and want to see me sober. But today they are gone and when I’m by myself I don’t know what to do other then get high.