Vent read if you want

I get frustrated with my son over the smallest things he’s about to be 3 months old I’m doing it as a single mom ... I don’t think I’m meant to be a mother. It’s not at all what I envisioned I was supposed to have a family not be a single mom... I almost found my son a stepdad (or so I thought) but after we fucked he dipped.. I even got a job and found any way I could to get money so I could pay for our motel room and alcohol .. I just don’t get why I can’t make a man stay . Me and my baby daddy were only together 5 1/2 months that was my longest relationship. I was starting to do good again I got a job I was starting to talk to the new guy everything was going great then he fucks me and his whole vibe changed I wonder if it’s that my pussy is bad or what. At this point I don’t even wanna live anymore I thought it would get better but it’s just one thing after another it’s only getting worse. People tell me just focus on my son but my son don’t complete me. Motherhood isn’t at all what I thought it’d be I don’t feel like how I thought I would. Life just ain’t worth living anymore