Edit: Thank you for the responses and I appreciate the perspective so much! In a half hour I got enough comments to make me see it's a silly issue and one that I can grow from, and I can move on from this. With more years put into my marriage maybe I will get to the point of having that much wisdom, one day. I respect you all for telling it like it is, even if the truth stings. Thanks again!

But a few comments weren't so friendly. Please - don't kick a mom when she's down, and remember to be kind the next time you comment on someone asking for an opinion on an issue that seems really important to her at the time... I was posting here because I can't talk to a friend. Maybe you can respond like a friend would, next time, rather than make comments about the person's character. I realize that's the nature of the Internet, that people can hide behind a screen and be nasty toward each other but it doesn't have to be that way. I am saying this from the heart, that what you said to me is hurtful and not helpful. There's ways to make comments to get the point across without being mean about it, like many people did here so kindly.

But I get it and I was blowing this out of proportion. I'm glad I don't have to worry about big lies necessarily. Thanks again. ❤

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My husband lied to me about something so small and stupid, and now I'm worried he's going to keep lying about bigger things.

We've been married for three years and we have an eighteen month old. He's wonderful around the house and with our son and he works long hours to support us. I'm a stay at home mom. I consider our marriage to be rock solid and I feel lucky to have a good husband who treats me so well. But now, this stupid situation has really ruined my trust and I'm having trouble letting go of feeling hurt and angry.

On Thursday I made a salad to go for his lunch. Yes this whole thing is about a stupid salad... The next day I asked him if he liked the salad and he said it was very good. Well this weekend I found it in the fridge still! This is the first time I ever caught him in a lie. I called him out and asked him why he lied to me about eating it. He said because he wasn't thinking, was tired and expected that it would be good when he did eat it, he just said the salad was good. I told him I felt uneasy about him lying to me and I went to another room to be alone with my thoughts for an hour. He came in and asked me where a kitchen item was, and I just ignored him and said hmmm because I felt so angry. (Separate issue - I get annoyed that I am considered the inventory person in our household - if he would just take a second and look for himself, he would find what he's looking for immediately and not treat me like an encyclopedia. It adds a lot to my mental load to have to answer questions like that, it would be different if my child asked me but he's a grown man and part of this household too, and it's a bit of a pet peeve that I've already talked to him about.) So anyway, moving on, I came back in the family area after an hour and told him how serious the lying is to me, that I can see how he might be tired or worried about what I'd say if I knew he didn't eat the salad, and that I'd forgive him but it must never happen again. (And that's how I usually am, I take an hour to stew and then never stay mad for long.) But during this conversation he turned his back to me and was doing something else. Then I said well maybe this is part of a bigger problem of you not respecting me enough to tell the truth to my face and look at me when I'm talking to you. Well then he got mad and was hostile and snarky, and defensive, and told me I was giving him the silent treatment for an hour (and deflected anger on me about my actions instead of the main topic of conversation, him lying to me. Usually when he does this I say "that may be true but right now we're talking about you"... But this time I wasn't thinking and because of him turning around the conversation it left me sputtering and defending myself. I told him this was important to me because this is our marriage and that I was thinking about what I was going to say to him for an hour. That's where we left off.)

All weekend I just felt really off and any time he told me dinner was good I just didn't really take pleasure in the compliment and wondered if he was just saying that. I feel like I can't believe him when he says nice things. As I mentioned before, he works long hours and we need to be able to trust each other. Currently we don't go through each other's phones or wallets or anything like that, and we have complete trust, joint bank account, everything is out in the open but we don't snoop either. The problem is, I have read if they start lying about the little things then it's only a matter of time and they'll be lying about big things. I don't want a marriage like that! I'm so frustrated that he lied about a stupid salad of all things. Like this could go a hundred different ways - maybe he feels guilty on himself for not eating healthy, so he lied. Maybe he was worried about me being critical for him not eating what I prepared, so he lied. Maybe he really doesn't like the salad and didn't want to hurt my feelings, so he lied. Maybe some girl coworker bought him lunch, so he lied. I wonder if he's been lying to me about anything else now. Ugh, what a stupid situation! I don't want to blow this out of proportion but lying is a big deal to me and the way I feel (hurt, angry) is valid. He's never given me any reason at all to not trust him and it was only a salad... Should I just let this go? If so, how? Do you think white lies are okay?