Long story short, when me and my current fiancé were 16 he cheated on me. It hurt really bad and messed me up for a while. We decided to try and make things work about a year later and haven’t broken up since. We actually are now engaged and have our own house. Anyways, all of the sudden my fiancé’s cousin and the girl he cheated on me with are together and he got her pregnant. She came around this weekend for the fourth on the family camping trip. And it was HARD for me. Idk why it bothered me but it did. Anyways I am going to type of how I feel and maybe I can get some advice?..

I don’t want to come off as petty or immature. Or like you are currently in the wrong. This is a me thing. 100%

I realized that I am not able to control my feelings and emotions when it comes to this specific situation. My negative feelings come as naturally as breathing when I’m in this situation. It’s like my body can’t help but be in a fight or flight mode in this situation. I just really want you to try and imagine what this feels like. Please. My heart pounds a million beats a second. I can’t calm it down no matter what I try and do. My stomach feels like I’m about to go give a speech in front of hundred of people. Literally in knots and like I could throw up at any given moment. My body shakes like I’m freezing cold even if I’m sweating hot. That’s how I feel in his situation. I try so hard to deep breathe and ground myself. I count down from 10. I tell myself everything is okay. NOTHING works. How am I supposed to “move on” or “stop being immature” or “grow up” when I physically and mentally can not change my bodies reaction to this situation. It’s like when a person can’t help but sneeze if there’s dust in their nose.. I can’t help but have a panic attack in this situation. I literally can not help it. I realized that this weekend and have been really thinking so much. How are we ready to get married next month when I can’t control myself. I can’t seem to go more than 2 days without a mild or even severe panic attack over this situation. I don’t want to continue living like this. I feel like I’ve taken years off my life over this situation. At first I felt ok because we never had to deal with this situation. I knew it wasn’t right that the only reason I felt ok was because we weren’t dealing with it. And now we’re dealing with it. Like 0-100. And now I just feel shitty. I feel like I live every day in sadness and fear and over thinking, over this situation. I’ve been wondering if I’ll ever be happy. If I’ll ever be able to get over this hump. Should I marry you right now if I don’t know the answer to all of that? I’m scared to have sex with you because I don’t want that to sway my decision one way or another. I just don’t have any answers right now and that makes me feel so uneasy. I don’t feel like myself and I haven’t since this weekend. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even want to talk to anyone about this because I don’t want to make anyone think I’m calling the wedding off unless I actually was. I’m scared and lost and confused. I don’t know what to do.