The truth about hospital bed-rest

I’m going to get real raw here and there will be explicit language.

This is a nightmare. I had to lay flat on my back the first 2 days. I’m still not allowed to get up to walk in the halls. My bathroom privileges were taken away for the first few days but I’m still not allowed to shower. Everything has been stripped from me. There is no end date until my body does what it wants to do and my boy is delivered. The unknown is scary. I don’t get to see my daughter again until I’m discharged. I don’t get to have ANY visitors except The father of my child and he works 10-12 hours a day. I seriously feel like I’ve been in-prisoned for something I did, I’m being punished. I feel like I’m apart of some fucked up mental experiment. My muscles ache from being so immobile, it hurts to pee, it hurts to do anything. I actually got yelled at for sitting in a chair instead of bed, as if sitting in that chair is so significantly different then sitting up in bed?

Look, I know and understand the benefits of keeping little Aiden growing inside me, I do and I’m grateful he’s still growing and labor has for now, stopped. But I’m not going to pretend that apart of me isn’t going insane from the lack of sleep, physical activity, conversations with others, not seeing my daughter, and being told what I can and cannot do. It’s infuriating and makes a soon to be preemie mom even more anxious and depressed. It makes you hope this baby just comes out just because you feel you may actually lose your fucking mind. You can’t tell your doctors this because then they send in a social worker to “evaluate you” and then say you need to up your antidepressant dose. No, I need to get up and do shit. I need you to not tell me things I already know and let me vent and be upset that my life has been flipped upside down and set on fire. I’m allowed to feel the way I do. I am trying to remain positive but it’s difficult, so fucking difficult. So there, the confession of a “mandated hospital bed-rest soon to be mom”.

This sucks and I’m angry.