I blame myself

I feel as if i failed as a women I blame myself for losing the baby 2 years ago. Blame myself i should have know that i was pregnant at 3 weeks. Blame myself for going to the doctors with back pain and then summing it up to me being fat or that i asked for a blood test and they said no cause i ate. Blame myself that i slept off the pain and i didn't go see what was wrong with me. I blame myself for getting my hopes up having my period 3 days late then i get it at work and my cramps are on 50 but just on my right side. I blame myself that i can't give my husband the kids he wants. I blame myself for everything i can't do anything right i give up. It also don't help that im jealous but happy for my best friend pregnancy