What should I do? TW I guess
So I’m 15 and I usually stay in my room to avoid getting insulted or groped by my family because it makes me severely upset and uncomfortable. I am also a rape survivor so the groping really gets to me and makes me upset. Today I decided to come out of my room to check on everyone just to be nice and my grandmother started groping my butt and I politely told her to stop and pushed her away and she had told me that she could do anything that she wants with my body because she used to wipe my shit and bathe me when I was a baby and because she did everything for me when I was a baby she can do whatever she wants to me. Then later on when I was downstairs she grabbed and smack my butt again and I yelled stop and she continued to tell me that I shouldn’t yell at her, that I was being disrespectful, and since I had pushed her away again she had told me “I wish you would put your hands on me”. Then a little while after that she touched my breast. What should I do now? I feel upset and embarrassed and now I just might not come out of my room at all anymore because I don’t want that to happen again. I also don’t know how to categorize this because since it’s family I don’t know if it still counts as sexual assault or anything.
Update: I’ve tried to record stuff like this in the past but I’ve always gotten my phone took or was told by my grandmother and great grandmother to delete it because it was disrespectful to record and take pictures without the person’s permission but when I tell them not to record or take a picture of me it’s a different story because I am a child and I don’t get to decide anything that I do only my grandmother can. When she said “I wish you would touch me” it was in a threatening way not in another way. I don’t have parents so that’s why my grandmother has custody of me but she does stuff like this and also uses my mental health against me and even when I told her at one point that I wanted to kill myself she told me “don’t tell anyone when you want to kill yourself it will be better for everyone” so I’ve been in a very bad mental state for years. I honestly want to get the custody taken from her because I can most definitely take care of myself I’ve been kicked out of the house and homeless before so I know how to take care of myself so I just need advice on what to do because even the social worker that is working on my case says that she can’t do anything and that my grandmother is just doing what a parent does even though she mistreats me and doesn’t even like the fact that I am alive (she’s said stuff to me like that before) I just want a job a car and somewhere to stay that isn’t here. Sorry for ranting but I have no where else to go and no one else to talk to. Everyone seems against me.
Update: today I was washing my hair (I’m black so it takes a while) and I was finishing it by putting it in twists and my grandmother was coming from downstairs and she came in the bathroom and pushed me saying that she had to use the bathroom and i had politely asked if she can use the bathroom downstairs or give me 20 more minutes and I’d be done with the bathroom and she started screaming at me saying that she had to use the bathroom and how she is the adult and I’m the child and I have to listen to her no matter what and as I was starting to grab all of my stuff from the bathroom she started throwing my stuff out and then as I dropped something and was looking for it to pick it up she kept yelling for me to get out and as i told her to wait so I can get what I dropped and as I got up she hit me and pushed me backwards making me hit my head on the bathtub and she started yelling at me more to get out cause she had to use the bathroom and now I am locked in my room as she got dressed and left the house. She woke up my aunt who came out and looked at me and asked what happened and I told her and she just looked at me shook her head then went back to sleep and her mom (who is who’s house we live in) didn’t even say anything either. I called my bf and told him what happened and he said that he didn’t want to get in the situation cause it would make it worse (when I called him I just told him I need his help by him supporting me and helping me calm down not to get into the situation) the social worker that was working with us before hasn’t answered anything from me but before just told me that I was overreacting and that it’s my grandmothers chose of what to do because she is my guardian so I can’t talk to her. Along with my bf telling me he couldn’t do anything (which I didn’t ask him to) he also said to not call CPS because it would make the situation worse so now I’m just in my room shaking and crying while no one else cares. Sorry for coming on here and putting all of my business on the internet but I have no where else to go.
Update: today she repeatedly hit me with a towel and telling me to move when I wasn’t in her way and was just trying to go to the bathroom and instead of apologizing she said “i can do what I want cause I haven’t smoked any cigarettes in a few hours and it’s hot” I literally hate it here