Might be getting back surgery and it scares me to death

I don’t want to go into what’s all wrong with my back. It is so fucked up from a car accident. The pain has just become unmanageable and now there’s talk of surgery. I have had one “surgery” in my life and it was where I had warts removed from my foot that were so bad that I had to be put under and wasn’t allowed to walk for a week but that’s about it.

This is way different, they’re going to be cutting into my very fucked up back.

I’m scared that when I wake up all I will feel is pain, I’m scared of the whole recovery process and being like trapped in a bed for Days. Like I am scared of this “trapped” feeling. I’m scared of pain killers because they make me vomit, so like I’ll be in pain needing them but then getting sick too so my choices will be nausea and dizziness or pain.

It almost makes me not want to do it, it’s like making me think about not doing the surgery and just living in pain every time I move the wrong way and letting the pain affect my sex life (I mean sex is still pretty good I just have to ignore a lot of pain during it) and I don’t know. I just don’t know.

Being cut into is scary regardless like the first time I knew that nobody was going to cut my foot off and managed to stay awake and watch some of what was happening because I am one hard ass human to put to sleep. The drugs did do something though because I watched in total bliss as the doctor inserted what looked like a foot long needle into the top of my ankle to numb my entire foot and I felt that, and just didn’t care because I was so relaxed. Like I knew there weren’t any major risks unless something very freaky happened, highly unlikely.

For this, man... man oh man. I keep putting that conversation with the dr off.

Any good experiences with surgery would help.