Sorry so long..at wits end!!!

So I’m posting anonymously because it’s so embarrassing! I’m 36 weeks pregnant, on maternity leave. My husband is not the breadwinner, I am, but he does work and pay half the rent. I have 4 children from a previous marriage, he has one from ex gf. While we were dating, he was attentive and kind and affectionate. Never played video games, like not even when he was alone.

We moved in, got married and he begged me to have a baby for him, saying he really wanted a chance to have a family and be a dad again (his son is 14 and broke up with ex when son was 3). We are both 40.

I am an RN, as well as a family nurse practitioner and in school set to graduate in 2 weeks for my psych nurse practitioner. That is only back story to say I am career driven and not at all lazy. I cook, clean, take care of kids and I pride myself in being the woman my mother was not (I’m a foster kid). He is ex-army and works for government (from home due to covid) and I dont care that he’s not career driven, in fact he is set to be a stay at home dad. Now for the problem!

Seems like the second we said I do, he stopped trying. Not going out and started smoking weed allll the time and playing Pokémon. Now he plays nba2k20 and has cut back a lot on his weed (it makes him too tired to play the game). No affection, plays from 5-6am - 1-330 am (the whole day!) He’ll even call out of work (from the kitchen counter!) to play the game. He’s turned down bjs (he LOVED sex) and doesn’t cuddle or anything. We have a huge 5 bedroom, so I am just alone with the kids all the time.

I found out baby has heart problem and will need nicu stay, and he didn’t even ask how I was or show concern. Doesn’t cook, doesn’t clean, has to be told to do everything and complains and says I’m bitchy and hormonal.

This is not what I signed up for! I’m too old for this, too old to raise another kid (my husband not my unborn baby). I don’t want a second divorce, but I don’t see how else I can make him see. Ive tried talking, yelling, ignoring. But I am in a relationship by myself. I am in a pregnancy by myself. No help, the only doctor appointment he was allowed to go to he complained because of the wait (pediatric cardiologist). Doesn’t seem to care baby has a heart defect. I have to treat him like I do my 16 year old.

Any advice??

Update for comments

I have sat him down and had calm conversations. He becomes defensive and irate. Saying he can’t have a hobby, but it’s an obsession, 12-14 hours a day! Sleeping 3 hours and back to it! Sleeping on the couch, turning down sex. I tried limiting, giving a time at night to spend with me, asking for just 10 minutes in the morning, etc. He will say things like , divorce me then over a video game. When he’s defensive, he cussing at me, calls me a dumb bitch, etc, I’m sooo tired. I don’t mind video games, but to the point that I have to tell him to take a shower? It’s overkill! I asked for counseling, he agreed at first and then wouldn’t go, now he just refuses. It just seems like divorce is in my near future. Which means I’ll have to pay for daycare and do this again on my own. Am I strong enough? Hell yeah, female empowerment and all that! Do I want to? No.....