Would you be with someone who’s like this? What should I do?
Would you be with someone who is constantly yelling, swearing, sometimes breaking things...?
This is a bit long but PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU please read this. I really need help/advice.
I just don’t know what to do at this point. I feel very helpless and conflicted. My boyfriend (father of my son and another one on the way) is always pissed off. He’s the type of person if he’s in a bad mood, everyone has to be in a bad mood. He calls me names fairly often. He sometimes breaks things when he’s angry. He’s always yelling and raising his voice. Even sometimes at my son (way more at me - at least once a day).
Literally just 30 minutes ago he was sitting on the couch on his phone. I asked him to please watch our son because I needed to make him dinner. I went to the kitchen to make it and my son came over to me clinging on to me and crying. So I again told him I need him to help. Then again, my son came up to me so I told him “ok you seriously need to get off your phone and watch him...it’s already past his dinner time I need to cook him dinner.” He’s said “ok you need to fucking stop yelling...if you’re going to be all pissed off then I’ll just make him dinner” (obviously I was pissed...I asked him so many times to simply get off his phone and watch his son). He got all pissy and he was in the kitchen putting dishes in the dishwasher but not making our son dinner!!!!
So I got pissed again and told him that and then he goes “I’m trying to stop myself from breaking something” and was yelling and so we were just arguing a bit and then he grabbed the kettle and started slamming it on the counter (broke the top) and was screaming while doing it.
My son heard him so he turned around and started watching him and then jumped and backed up into me (he’s not even 2 btw) and started crying. So I immediately hugged and kissed him and brought him upstairs and distracted him. After seeing this I don’t know...I just I feel so bad for my son. I started crying. It scares me as well when he acts like that just because of my past. I get very anxious and upset when he acts like that. I instantly cry. My dad was similar in that way and it used to scare the shit outta me.
After a few minutes he came upstairs and hugged our son and said sorry to him then asked “what do I need to make him for dinner” so I just ignored him and went downstairs to cook it because wtf I already told you a MILLION times that he needs to eat and what I’m making. So anyways when I got downstairs
I noticed my basket that I love btw was broken on top of couch - which means he literally whipped it across the room.
I’ve explained to him a million times I will NOT want my kids to see this type of behaviour. My parents were like that growing up. I got verbally, emotionally and sometimes physically abused by both my parents. It’s really affected me. Because of it I suffer from anxiety (since I was 12 I was diagnosed and I’m now 25). I was never able to hold a job because of how bad my anxiety was - I couldn’t do what I wanted to do for a living because of it. I couldn’t go to school. I couldn’t be “normal.”
So instead I would have to watch kids to make money (it’s not too bad tbh I love kids and I get to stay home with mine which is a bonus!). But right now I’m pregnant and have a toddler so I’m super exhausted, plus with Covid going on (and dealing with all of this doesn’t help) so I’m not working currently. But I am still selling a couple things online making money here and there and have a few more business ideas that I plan to start soon!
Anyways, my point in saying that was I have no money. I don’t drive (again, because of anxiety) so I fear if I leave, my kids won’t live a good life. We’re currently renting a beautiful
home, if I leave I don’t even know if I’ll be able to afford an apartment. I could live with my parents...but because of my upbringing I would rather not. I also find it super embarrassing. No one knows he acts this way. Everyone thinks it’s perfect, we’re the perfect family, we’re so in love. I hide it because I’m actually embarrassed.
I don’t know what to do. I obviously want a family. I want that for my kids. But this is too much. I even thought about leaving for maybe a week or so to show him I’m serious...but it’s like then EVERYONE is going to know my business if I do that because my parents don’t know how to shut their mouths. Everyone is going to hate him. Everyone is going to think I’m stupid if I go back. I have to pack all this stuff for myself and my son. It’s not like my parents really have the room for us. I’ve told him to leave, but he always says “leave me if you want to, I’m not leaving.”
We don’t even spend time together. After our son is in bed his headphones are in and he’s outside smoking weed. I’m always exhausted waiting up for him so we can spend a little bit of time together. But no more. I’m done doing that. I honestly want to tell him until he learns how to talk to me his ass is on the couch.
I wanted to add that he always will say sorry later and try to “make it up to me” by doing things for me or he will say “ok I’m sorry but you did this...” he just left to go to the store and came home with flowers and chocolate for me...
Earlier today he told me “you don’t even kiss me anymore, do you even love me? You show no affection” I told him it’s because of how he treats me lately and he said “ok but when I’m not acting like that you shouldn’t treat me like that.”