Help with teenager!!??

Question

Hi mums! 
Now as i write this i am desperately seeking some advice. 
This is about my 14yr old sister.
When she was a young kid she had a horrible father (our mum and him were not together), he "touched " my little sister. And after that the court cases went on and on but she still had to stay at his place for nights in a row and days, and its only been within the last yr that courts have said she doesn't hace o see him. Prior to that she hasnt seen her father for abiut 2yrs as she told him one tome he came to pick her up she wasn't going with him. He never really tried to contact her in 2 yrs and then after 2yrs took my mum back to court to say she wasn't doing the right thing etc etc. 
So here's this issue, my sister is 14, she obviously has some serious issues with what has happened to her. 
My mum has continuously tried to get her help, and when she does my sister just tells everyone things are fime. After the courts finally saying she no longer had to go to her father's my sister started being happy again, but within the past 2 months shes gone back o being sad and angry all the time,  she's horrible to our mum (and yes i was once a teenager so i do understand there are things that is just teenage girl stuff) but my mum took her to get a new mental health plan they had a really good talk, my sister really seem to have understood what she had to do it for (also it was suggested by her current psychologist) and then when they got there my sister told the dr she was fine and didn't need help. 
My mum was shattered, since then i have tried mum has tried, mum husband has tried talking to my sister and explaining things and that shes now 14 and we can't just talk for her it has to come from her but all she does is say "yep, yes , hhmmmh i kmow everyones told me. 
I'll go talk to my phyc but this just happens all the time.
Yeah i get it poor kids got some serious issues along with being a typical teen but mums please is there anything anyway I/we can help her with this stuff? 
She wont openly talk to anyone about anything! 
We are all at a complete loss and dont know where to turn from here! 😪😩😒

Answer

I don’t  know the “right” way, and I would really just talk to the psych and see that they suggest and really listen 
I know a lot of my moms issues with my therapist and myself was that she would listen to what she wanted to hear but wasn’t necessarily willing to listen to what she didn’t. 
 
And I think suggesting your mom to once in a while to repeat information and verifying if it is what the therapist is saying is good as well 
For a few examples, 
My therapist told my mom that giving me chores to do was normal and I should contribute to the household. I shouldn’t just hide in my room all day and my mom should encourage me to do things and socialize. But my mom should remember that I’m processing a lot of things and some days may be harder for me than others and I do need space. My mom should give me a list of chores she expects me to do, so I have written and clear expectations. If expectations are not met, they should be discussed before punishment. 
My mom never gave me a “chore list” and told me that I already know her expectations and that I should just clean up whenever something is dirty. Which was our issue in the first place. I didn’t know her expectations and she would just expect to come home from school and see things “clean”. If I missed something she would get pissed and our “discussing” would be her telling me that she goes to work all day and I don’t do anything and that she’s afraid that when I have kids they’ll get taken by CPS because I don’t know how to clean right. Even if I swept, vacuumed, folded the clothes, made dinner, did the dishes, etc. If I missed dusting the entertainment center, it was enough for her to go off. And she would use chores as an excuse to “keep me busy” from being depressed. 
Or if I seemed really deep into my depression, she would force me into social situations. Like forcing me to go to parties or to go swimming with her friends kids , which I didn’t want to go, considering I had cuts and scars all over my thighs. It was embarrassing and it made me feel even worse and more disconnected. 
And I really suggest listening to what your sister is saying when she is really horrible to your mom and taking a step back. 
There have been times I had been really horrible to my mom and it was not right. 
But I think if my mom would’ve taken a step back and not taken things so personally , given me my space when I needed it, then taken into consideration that I was a child, and came back to the conversation when I was reasonable and tried to discuss whether I meant what I said, why I said what I said, and what we could do in the future to help each other, maybe things would’ve gone a lot smoother. 
I think if my mom would’ve genuinely tried taking interest into what I liked instead of blaming outside things for me being depressed , we also would’ve had a better relationship. I used to listen to some really hard core music and I wish instead of always having negative comments on it, she would’ve sat with me and tried listening to it with me. Asked me what I liked about it. Asked me what the lyrics meant to me. I also used to draw really weird things, and I wish my mom would’ve taken a step back and asked what it was and why I was drawing what I was, because often I did have a lot of hidden meaning into my doodles. I wish she would’ve even tried drawing with me if I wasn’t willing to talk about it with her. 
At the end of the day, it was hard for me to open up about my feelings to my mom because the things that helped me understand my feelings were things that she never had anything good to say about, So I just assumed she wouldn’t get it.  
But I’m really basing these suggestions on what I’ve seen parents I respect have done with their children to help them and based on what I would’ve wanted as a child. 
Obviously I have a very biased opinion on how things “shouldve” went vs how they were. 
Now that I’m older I understand my mom did her best and just really was lost on how to deal with me and everything that had happened to me. But it still hurts me that she still just thinks I was “hard to deal with” rather than I was a child dealing with a lot.

Help with teenager!!??

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