Its almost been a year since I left my toxic relationship with my ex.

But now I want to start dating again, and Ive been trying with dating apps with everything going on. I’ve been meeting some nice guys and talking, but my friend brought it up to me that I always say Im ready to date again, I want to get married, have kids etc but then when I start talking to a guy, I make it seem like I’m not into them.

And looking at it from her view, yeah I guess I kinda do. Im having such a hard time allowing myself to open up to another man. After a couple or days talking or so I’m already talking about dropping then cause whatever reason. I guess, I just convince myself they’re just gonna use me, just gonna want to have sex and leave. Im definitely scared to be vulnerable again, cause I don’t want to go through what I did before. It was my first and only relationship and it lasted 4 years. I came out of it thinking I was fine, thinking ill just enjoy being single for a bit then maybe try to start dating again.

But now I’m feeling the effects. Im so scared of possibly meeting a guy, getting attached and he turns out to be angry and aggressive like my ex. And I’m kind of scared to learn if its just me, if I actually do just bring out the worst in guys. I really don’t know how to get over this or work around it.