My bf wants me to get an abortion

Hello, so I have already posted this to another group so I don’t know if this is allowed to be posted here as well, but I need support/opinions.. this is long so if you read to the end, you’re an angel & i love you.

I’m 21, and my boyfriend is 22. We’ve been together on and off for 3 years. We’ve been through a LOT to say the least. And we still work on things every day. But we’ve been doing decent for most of 2020, we live together officially now as of last month. We live comfortably but we don’t have a lot of furniture yet, we live with the basics and are saving up for better cars (mine is a POS, but runs.) and more things for the house, etc. We aren’t well off by any means.

I just have found out a few days ago that I am pregnant. My plan for children in my head did not start until my late 20s, or early 30s. I have always wanted babies and to be pregnant, but not NOW. I actually often think about how lucky I am to not have kids because my best friend is my bfs age (22) and has 3 kids. And she often tells me to wait until I’m stable and ready because of the struggles she went through. I know that we don’t have the means for a baby.. and that now is not a good time at all. We are working towards our future together and a baby is not part of those plans. But... ALLLL of those things... still can’t make me feel okay getting an abortion. I’m not against abortion at all, I’m actually completely pro choice. However I just have always said I couldn’t imagine going through with it myself. I also never imagined I’d get pregnant this early/easy in life..

Needless to say my head is swarming with racing thoughts but it’s been 3 days since I found out and I have made my mind up that I don’t want to go through with an abortion. I also don’t think I could emotionally handle an adoption.. I feel like I’m being selfish for keeping this baby but I don’t want to get rid of it... my boyfriend is the opposite of me. When we found out he just assumed I would get an abortion because of our financial situation. I cried to him and told him I’d never get over an abortion, he held me, and I didn’t bring up the pregnancy again for the whole next day and the rest of the next. I wanted to give him time to process like me. And then revisit it when he’s had time.

I went to target and got some groceries for the house, and among the things I bought was prenatal vitamins. I wanted him to help me unload the groceries and see them and see what he thought. Well.. it didn’t go the way I thought. He had assumed that I was just sad about the abortion, but I was gonna go through with it anyways. The whole time I thought that I was giving him time to think about being a father, he was just under the impression it was getting “taken care of” eventually. He saw the prenatal vitamins and made a face and said, “You’re really keeping this baby?” And I told him that I couldn’t get rid of it. We argued about it, he said it’ll ruin our lives and that hed rather just take me to a clinic, that he didn’t want this baby. I cried and cried, woke up in the middle of the night to cry, never cried so hard in my life. These hormones are something else. The next day (yesterday) he didn’t say a word to me, wouldn’t touch me, and when I asked him to give me some kind of support even if he’s mad at me because I really need some love right now, and he snapped on me. He told me all the reasons he didn’t want this baby, he told me I wanted kids all my life so congratulations to me but his life is ruined and he doesn’t want this kid. He said not to talk to him again about this unless I’m getting rid of it. I haven’t really spoken to him since that argument. He wants his space so ill give it to him. What he said hurts my feelings but I know he’s scared so I’m giving him time now that he knows I’m keeping it and I hope that he comes around. If not, I’m on my own.

I’m not really sure what to do. I’ve read as many things as I can find about what women can do in my situation and I honestly just feel so alone. There’s a chance he can come around eventually and I want to say the chance is high because he’s not a horrible person, but I do feel like it’s either him forcing an abortion on me or me forcing a child on him. either way I’m afraid we are going to end up in flames, and I love him so much I don’t want that to happen. What are things I can say or do or should I just give him space?