I don’t know what to do. I just don’t know.

My two younger sisters (12+14) have been visiting me for the past 2 weeks. That in itself has been overwhelming especially with a full time job and having to clean up after them and make sure they are happy. Then theirs my boyfriend of 3 months. We were doing great, he was always SO sweet to me and i to him. Then a week ago he completely changed. He isn’t affectionate period. doesn’t show any love towards me. He’s completely different then the guy I knew a week prior. I called him out on it and his explanation was “I finally feel secure and that I’ve won you over and have you. I don’t need to do the things I was doing before, I was just doing them so I wouldn’t loose you, but now I know I won’t”. That HURT and the funny part is he doesn’t have me like he claims he does. Even when he treated me like shit I still showed him love. I wanted to break up with him Saturday when he purposely started commenting on other girls “hot bodies” in front of me (on purpose because he knows I’m insecure) but my mom, brother, and other sister flew in Friday for the weekend and my mom told me she didn’t want the drama and to just wait.

Well yesterday was a horrible day, my stress level got up so high that I couldn’t take it anymore. I suffer from anxiety, panic attacks, depression, and ptsd, as well as social anxiety. I’m in the military and so is my boyfriend and we both have similar diagnosis and the same treatments so I thought out of all people he would understand. I won’t go into detail about what led to my break down but I will add that I left home at 18 due to my family being extremely toxic and abusive... so yesterday all the stress of life triggered me and I left them to drive back 3.5 hour to my apartment alone. I thought about going straight to the psych ward because my ptsd got bad and I had bad thoughts going through my head but instead I got a hotel. My boyfriend is very very mad at me. I can’t face my family. My apartment has been taken over by them and it’s my only safe place that I can relax at. I don’t want to see or talk to anyone. But I have to check out in an hour. I just want to be alone. They do leave tomorrow.

I may sound over dramatic to some but trust me.. my boyfriend has already guilt tripped me enough about how I should be spending time with my family because they flew all the way out here to see me.