I feel like a terrible mom

I’m pregnant with my 2nd baby. With my first I had low amniotic fluid towards the end so I’m getting an ultrasound in 2 weeks to see if I have it again(I’ll be 35 weeks) and I hope they tell me I do so I have to have the baby that week. I KNOW that’s terrible but I have hyperemesis gravidarum that has just progressively gotten worse. I lay on the bathroom floor and literally wish I was dead pretty much everyday. I’ve lost weight I can’t eat I can hardly keep down fluids, I’m constantly in and out of the ER getting IVs and I’ve lost so much weight. Nothing helps and I’ve done everything there is that I can do and tried all the meds I can take. I know it’s terrible to want her to come so early but I can’t take this much longer.