Hi guys. For starters, please don’t say I need to consult a professional. I know I do. I guess I’m just really looking for support here. But in short, I think I have a mental disorder and I think the pandemic brought it on. The past few months, I’ve been having terrible TERRIBLE intrusive thoughts, I shake/bounce my legs like a madwoman, I find myself crying a few nights per week as a result of just overthinking life, I find a myself biting my nail skin more often, (this has been a problem of mine for as long as I can remember, but it’s definitely gotten worse) resulting in ugly looking fingers that bleed sometimes because I pick & bite size much. I also twist & tug the edges of my hair WAY more often than I ever have (similar to the nails) and as a result I end up pulling my edges out.

About 20 minutes ago I was stating how my back was in so much pain (don’t worry, I’m just super sore because I went to the batting cage a couple days ago and I’m so out of shape) and my sister was like “its just soreness it’s not that serious”. but it IS that serious to me. because it honestly really really hurts. and this alone was enough to make me start thinking about how no one cares about me, and how my pain isn’t being taken seriously and that my feelings are being invalidated. and I started crying. I just felt overwhelmed. & it sucks because I was having a great great day and it’s like one thing can send me in a downward spiral nowadays.

Sorry for ranting. but what do you guys think I should do. I’m thinking of looking for a therapist but I don’t know.

It’s just hard for me to relax nowadays. It sucks because I’ve always had trouble falling asleep at night, just because I’m like a natural night owl, but nowadays I really can’t sleep at all.