PLEASE READ This is so hard..

I’m in this difficult situation where I love someone but I don’t want to be with them anymore. It breaks my heart to remember how IN LOVE I was with this man. And how things change. In May 2019 he went to bootcamp for the Navy. The military was something I didn’t expect to be so hard for our beautiful relationship. But him being a very shy person that always struggled to show me he loved me made it even harder.. for weeks even months it felt as if I was losing him and I would cry night.

I’m December 2019 we decided to split.. we continued trying our relationship until March 2020where I had someone eat my pussy. I dont know why I did it.. and I regretted it because for sure I wasn’t ready for that.. especially me being so in love with my ex.

But then we saw each other in March 2020 and we reconnected in a very sexual manner and it was AMAZING. And we got so deep into things but i hate that he’s so far from me. And it’s not far for me to hate that. Distance. He still loved me no matter how far I was and I still love him but things just weren’t the same.

Then we got better again. And I was supposed to MOVE IN with him. We looked at apartments together and everything and I was going to go that next day to my job to ask for a transfer.

He changed his mind.. i dont know why. It killed me inside. Because it was only going to be for 6 months man. We were going to be able to know if we would reconnect like how we used to be . AND HE CHANGED HIS MIND. And then said I can come see him for 3/4 days.. and guess what? My ass took a 15 hour greyhound to go see his ass😁😁😁

The trip went HORRIBLE. He played his game most of the time and everything that could’ve went wrong, went wrong.. it hurt me so much. But the trip made me verify my feelings. That I did not have feelings for this man anymore. I have fell out of love with this man. And the last day I let him go.

( this is July 2020 )

( We have not been together since December )

And now I found this new guy that is super sweet and we’ve been talking everyday and he’s 24 and I’m 19 ( almost 20 ) & I think I’m catching feelings for his guy. And my ex is super hurt and I feel like such a horrible person but I have no idea how to explain my feelings . I love him so much but I don’t want to be with him anymore. It drains me . It makes me sad. I just want to be my own person and be okay... I was always so unhappy and now I’m feeling good but the thing that doesn’t make me happy is feeling horrible for my ex... I don’t know what to do.. someone please help me. This guy is completely IN LOVE with me ( for 4 years we’ve been together) and I love him. Of course I love him. I’m just not in love with him like I used to be.