My Ex 🥺 (PLEASE help Idk how to handle this )

I made a huge mistake of accusing him for cheating but at the same time before I hade accused him he was texting both of his ex’s idk what but ain’t that being too friendly? so he wanted to be very narcissistic about it and insensitive but I had also just lost my big brother to drugs , and he’s all I’ve truly every wanted , and this is the second time we’ve tried it and I really don’t know if we’ll have a 3rd but I rather be on and off then losing him for good because we’ve been through so much together for it to just end like nothing happened but I really don’t think he’s hurt as much as I am everything reminds me of him and I just don’t wanna let go not again not ever 😞.