I have an 18 month old and due with a second. My in laws started behaving odd since the birth of #1. They started by passing not very nice comments every so often towards me. Mostly my father in law e.g “we don’t care about you, your just an incubator for grandchildren”, name calling me “fatty”, flipping me off behind my back when we hosted them over Christmas, not really acknowledging me when we meet up, excluding me in family pictures and most recently having a go at my husband over a Facebook message for not actively talking to them about their grandchildren. The latter I imagine was written and sent when they’d been drinking too much. They LIKE their drink.... we’ve had one accidental phone call in the middle of the night following #1s christening earlier this year, which we also think was drink driven, as were half of the nasty comments above. This has all happened in the last 18 months.... 9 years prior to this we’ve had no problems. I am incredibly upset. I thought they saw me as part of their family, but not the case anymore. They have no respect for me and now they have started on my husband.

I currently send them 20-30 photos every month (have fine since February) and they probably speak to my husband once every 1-2 weeks. Prior to this, we hosted them every month. It was emotionally exhausting because of all the crap mentioned above and more that has happened. Since lockdown They’ve not once called or messaged me to ask about the pictures or comment on them. I’ve had one thank you message for the pictures in the last 6 months from my mother in law, and that sums up the exchange I’ve had with them all year. Latest is blaming my husband (and in extension us both) for not making them more involved? My husband doesn’t know how to approach them because he knows we’ve done nothing wrong. There is nothing to defend. They don’t respond to the photos that I’ve been sharing - there’s a million questions you can ask about where we’ve been and what we’ve been up to from them. It’s like they don’t want to know, but at the same time want to know...... They seem to be building a “case” against us with how fast their behaviour has been evolving.... its seems we can do no right.

My husband knows how uncomfortable they make me feel. He’s fed up of them and hasn’t responded to the abusive message he received from his Dad. My husband is non confrontational (so am I, I haven’t responded to any of the awful comments)..... and he doesn’t really communicate with his family (always been this way).

I just don’t know what to do.... or how to support my husband through this. His approach is to avoid it and them.... which I feel is unfortunately making the situation worse. If nothing is said to them they will continue to behave this way and continue to upset us 😞. I am pregnant so feeling a lot more emotional about it all now... I’ve been referred to therapy on the NHS for my anxiety levels 😞.