Suicide Awareness Month (trigger warning)

It is suicide awareness month and with that in mind I want to share my story, in hopes that it might help even one person who reads it. This photo is from my 14th birthday party. One week after this was the first time I wanted to kill myself, I even started to make a plan. It scared me that I could even think about something like that but I didn’t tell anyone. No one knew that I didn’t want to live anymore, for roughly 3 years I kept that pain and darkness inside of me. I convinced myself that it was normal to think about dying or hurting myself. I thought I deserved to hate myself as much as I did. I would sob my eyes out and pray like I’ve never prayed in my life, but I thought God didn’t hear me because I kept hurting. I just wanted the pain to stop but I could never bring myself to end it. I can honestly say, almost 10 years later, that I never thought I would live this long. Never thought that I could be loved enough to be a wife. I never thought I would thank God for letting me go through that, but I do. Depression doesn’t always look how you expect it, which is why I am sharing this (and I will share more this month). There is always hope, never stop fighting for it. If you see yourself at all in my story PLEASE get help, talk to a doctor or counselor, don’t wait as long as I did. If you don’t know where to start, reach out to me, I would be glad to give you some advice about seeking professional help. #suicideawarenessmonth