I flushed my miscarriage and I am beyond ashamed

Last month I suffered my first miscarriage. It was a world wind of emotions and pain. I didn’t know what to do, how to properly have a miscarriage, or how to control my emotions. At one point during all the bleeding I passed a large soft ball which I would have assumed was the amniotic sac. It had a yellow hue to it. I didn’t know what to do next. Do I keep it? Rinse it off? Would my husband think I was crazy? Be grossed out that I saved the sac? I didn’t want to see the baby in it. I didn’t want to see the child I had just lost. It would be too hard. I just wanted to finish having the miscarriage and to be over with the whole process... so I flushed it.

At the time it felt like the right thing to do. I was passing sooooo much tissue and blood clots, so I figured this was part of all the materials I was passing.

But now looking back I wonder if I did the right thing. Should I have saved the sac? Buried it? But how? Like at a funeral home? Or in a box in my yard? I didn’t know what was the proper thing to do so I flushed it 😭 I am soooooo sorry to my baby for the lack of respect. I truly didn’t know what to do.