Last year my mom found my vibrator and made fun of me for it. The way she brought it up was purposely to embarrass me. I left her car unlocked and she got really mad and said “oh by the way you might want to find a better hiding spot for your vibrator next time, your dad found it while he was cleaning up” (btw my dad doesn’t normally clean my room, I’m 20, he only did it because I was at work and they were having company.) Anyway my dad never mentioned it to me because he’s a good parent and didn’t want to embarrass me probably, but my mom kept bringing it up and laughing I also told her it was a back massager which was stupid.. so after dinner she came in my room and said “show me how you use your back massager” and laughed at me. She kept talking about it and then finally said “well it’s better than you having sex with your boyfriend.” Which I was doing because I was 19 in college and I’d been with my boyfriend for 4 years at the time.. That whole situation made me feel so weird about sex. I threw my vibrator away and cried and I didn’t eat for about two days because I’m really sensitive and my mom just makes me feel shitty about myself all the time so I wanted to avoid her. I haven’t masturbated ever since either I can’t watch porn or even think about getting another vibrator without wanting to cry. Anyway a year later she found some condoms in one of my jacket pockets... while I was away at school and confronted me about it telling me I’m going to catch sexual demons and I need to repent and now I absolutely have to marry my boyfriend now that we’ve had sex. She then started asking me weird uncomfortable questions with a smirk on her face “how long have you been having sex” “do you like it? Most women don’t like it they do if for their boyfriends” “do any of your friends even have sex” It all made me so sick to my stomach. It makes me so upset because I don’t feel like I’ve done anything wrong she has been with more people than me.. my grandma even told me that she thinks my mom has had an abortion before which my mom acts like she’s against 🙄. If she’s such a religious Christian then why is she such a hypocrite? I’ve only ever been with my boyfriend because I’ve been dating him since I was 15 and we didn’t even do anything until I was 17, but ever since she found my vibrator and my condoms it’s been so hard to enjoy sex with my boyfriend without feeling guilty. I feel disgusting and ashamed even though I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong it’s just my mom made me feel that way. How do I forget about the things she’s said and continue to enjoy sex? I just wish my mom was never in my life, this isn’t the only thing she’s done to make me feel bad about myself she already gave me body image issues, called me retarded, has said she never wanted me etc. and now she’s made me feel so bad about having sex..

Sorry for any typos I’m just really heated right now because she’s constantly guilting me and I’m just drained by it.

Edit: I only live with my parents during the summer and during breaks since I’m in college so unfortunately I can’t stop staying with them yet, Im a junior in college and graduate in the spring of 2022 so until then I just have to continue to deal with my mom.

Also thank you everyone for the advice I’ve received so for🥺 I love hearing advice from other moms and seeing how their parenting differs from my moms, it makes me happy to see how much better other parents would handle things like this. I’m definitely trying to normalize sex in my mind again and my boyfriend and I plan on getting married after college so that helps me a little bit with the religious aspect of my guilt.