Tmi so beware lol (sexual)

So I know this is going to sound off the wall batshit crazy but my ex bf has a felony DV charge and he was abusing me but I can’t stop thinking about the sex we had like it turns me on thinking about it. I feel like a lunatic even saying this but it was literally the best sex i ever had. It’s like i crave it and honestly i feel like there’s something wrong with me but btw I would never get with him again. But i just can’t stop thinking about it