I thought I was being dramatic

My last bosses made me feel so bad about myself. They micromanaged the hell out of me. Nit picked every step I took and when I finally broke down from their picking to the point of tears and told them I was trying very hard to please them and trying to work on it, they flat out called me a liar. Told me they didnt like my personality.

During the time this was happening, my mental health was seriously not okay. Like I don’t know how I made it through that.

I had gone into my mothers medicine cabinet and found an antidepressant that was prescribed to my cousin years ago because I wanted to die and these.. at the time they made sense. Please keep in mind that i was seriously going THROUGH it and I can’t emphasize this enough so try not to judge. I was self diagnosing and self medicating with mind altering medication for depression and wow.

And it made everything 1000% worse.

And this is when I worked for these people that were just awful.

Something happened when I was sitting in that office and my personality switched. I thought about this moment for MOONNTHS after because this was NOT ME.

They told me i didn’t have a good personality or something along those lines. I stopped crying and said “well you hired me. So what does that say about you?”

I can’t remember exactly what was said after that, but I remember them taking that exactly as if I had said “fuck you.” Like I remember reading the room.. and i wondered if I had remembered what I said correctly because it was as if I had slapped them all across the face. I didn’t get how what I said provoked such a response.

And one of them called me a liar about trying to work on myself and I lost my shit. I can’t remember what I said but my mouth POPPED off at one of the people there, who just happened to be the owner. My boss said “do you realize WHO you are speaking to? You are speaking to the woman who cuts your checks.”

I turned and said “it’s okay. They’re not big enough for me to be too concerned about it.” And then I turned back to my boss and said “N O N E of this is worth it. Y’all are horribly fake, MEAN people. I’ll come back to get my check when it’s ready.” And I just remember calmly putting on my jacket in a very very quiet room with all of them gawking at me and me not giving a shit and then walking out and feeling like I could breathe, like i was finally i can breathe.

Then another person I know who works there still told me “when they talk to me, i feel like I’m back in my abusive manipulative relationship.”

And then when she spoke up ALOT of more people came forward and there is a lot of exposing happening right now on the online world about how they are work place bullies.

All this time y’all.. all this time I thought i was too soft and too dramatic because it seemed like everyone else there didn’t have the same issue i did and I held on and held on trying and i tried so hard to work on everything and I listened to everything they said and now I realize the issue wasn’t even me. They couldn’t wait to get ahold me of again to put me down. The harder they saw me work the harder they were on me. whether it came down to the way I walked or an attack on my personality when the truth is, they’re just mean. To everyone, and driving everyone insane and tearing their employees down to the point that half their staff left. All their longer term staff just left them hanging all at once.

OOOOOF

And lol. Now I get to watch all this happen happy from afar

And just a PSA: good bosses don’t tear you down. They don’t seek out your emotional week spots and go after them.

Good bosses encourage you, and they healthily critique your work and while they are doing that they don’t seek to freaking destroy you. Don’t ever work for someone if it’s seriously affecting your mental health. If it’s seriously affecting your emotional health.

The fact that it was more than one person made it a lot harder for me to realize.

But now I know and see what a good boss is compared to these crazy people who just lost half their staff