Comparing babies??!!

Question

Sooo my brother’s girlfriend and I were both pregnant with boys around the same time. Our babies are 3 months apart. Mine being born in October and my nephew being born in January.
So long story short
 We’ve had an okay relationship. I’m still getting to know her. But since my baby turned about 6 months old I cant help but feel like my brothers girlfriend is comparing our babies. She constantly asks how big my little boy is. What size clothes he’s in and then will say oh wow my baby is such and such size. Recently she asked me what size he’s in and I told her well he’s petite and can wear 9 month pants with 12months tops(he’ll be 1 this month) but sometimes can wear 12month pants it just depends.  She said wow my baby wears 18-24 months already and he’s only 8 months old. Then she turns to my brother and says “ babe he’s only wearing 9 months” Granted my little nephew is a chunky monkey lol. Idk am I overthinking this? This is my 3rd baby all boys and this is her 4th baby but her 1st boy. What do y’all think? I just don’t like comparisons especially with little ones and I’m getting super annoyed.

Answer

Maybe she doesn’t really know what else to talk to you about, so she finding a common thread.

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I think that's sometimes just something moms do if they don't know what else to talk about..like compare baby stages and growth. Maybe she is trying to bond with you but it's coming off the wrong way? It can be an anxiety thing too. But you know her better.

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Nah that’s super annoying.

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From what you’ve said it doesn’t seem like she’s being condescending or rude about it. I think when you’ve got cousins or siblings side by side, it’s hard not to compare. My nephew is about three months younger than my son and, as some of the other commenters have suggested might be the case for you, our kids are really the only thing me and my sister-in-law have in common. But it’s not just her comparing... it’s everybody! I think it’s also important to check your own insecurity... and I say that from experience. My nephew is younger but wearing 3-4T clothes (he’s not yet 2) while my son, who just turned 2 is still between 12-18 month clothes. He’s been smaller for a while and all of the comparisons bothered me. I looked to myself and realized I was really worried about my little man. My husband was picked on for being significantly smaller than his identical twin all of his life (sometimes still to this day at age 40 🙄) and I worry that our boy will get the same treatment. Once I was able to confront my own fears, I was able to let it go and that made the comparisons not bother me anymore. I think looking at differences between kids who are close is just a natural thing... most people compare because they feel they’re connecting but sometimes it can create a wedge instead, albeit not intentionally. AND if it truly bothers you... I challenge you to look to yourself first and, if need be, speak up to your family. Speak with love and hopefully they’ll respect what you’re saying and the conversations can change.

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I don’t think it’s poorly intended. I know that with my sister in law, we gravitate towards talking about our babies mostly, and their milestones. For me, sometimes my baby is all I can think to talk about.

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I’d personally be annoyed.
I haven’t been related to anyone that does this but i had a coworker that literally went into labor the same day as me (she was a heavy smoker so like 3 or 4 weeks early for her). I think it was my fault for already disliking her because of this and a few other things (like her treating her pregnancy like a disability where she wouldn’t do ANYTHING at work while I was a manager and felt like I was doing everything)...

But we were friends on social media (shouldn’t have been) and I couldn’t even post about my daughter rolling over earlier than usual or meeting other milestones early because she would say something passive aggressive about how it’s not possible or “my son did that a week ago). She even posted a video the DAY I posted a video of my daughter rolling from belly to back with someone physically rolling her son by his ankles.

ANYWAYS: the wholeeee thing was toxic and I eventually blocked her because fuck that drama. Now, because of her, I’m pretty sensitive to stuff like that.

Answer

I find other moms like to compare smaller babies for some reason. My girl is petite, just like me, exactly how I was when I was a baby, but I am constantly getting this from other mom's. Like oooh what size is she wearing, followed by oh my - my kid is already wearing size a billion and is 10 times heavier and half her ago followed by a giggle. Why is that funny? 🙄 I even had one mom say that she thinks babies should have a little bacon on them and laughed and squeezed her huge baby. I don't get it to be honest. Maybe they are secretly embarrassed that they have huge babies, so they do it to feel better? I donno.. Every baby is different just like adults. There's no right and wrong. I just ignore these moms now and try not to care or compare.

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My sister does this constantly. Comparing her boys to my girls. It’s always a competition with her. I flipped out and said as long as my kids are healthy nothing else matters!! Don’t over think just stand up for yourself and son!!

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As a mother of a chunky monkey wearing 12 months clothes at 3 months old, it may just be that she is constantly shocked by how big her baby is. I tend to forget it until I discuss with other mothers. It’s probably something she and her husband talk about a lot. And he probably outgrows everything so fast it can be frustrating. She sounds a bit jealous tbh, and I agree talking about babies is probably your only common thread. I wouldn’t get bent up about it, she may just be trying to find a way to see how her baby is progressing.

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True, my co worker had his baby a month before I had mine and I like to talk to him to see what his baby has been doing. For me it's fun to talk about our babies since it's the first for both of us

Comparing babies??!!

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