I’m sooooo frustrated. I know it’s all my mindset and idk how to fix it!!!

My bf comes like every day when we do stuff. I never do from him. Then when I masturbate by myself I can never do it. I only ever feel close every once in a while..like I’ll feel the buildup where it just feels so good and then it stops. Or I won’t feel anything at all. How do you masturbate without getting discouraged? I feel like once I finally come it’ll be easier for me because at least I know it’s possible for me to do it. But right now whenever I masturbate I always go into it with the mindset that I want to come, not that I’m just doing it to feel good. And I know I’m not supposed to have the goal of orgasming but i just can’t help it!! Because I feel broken and so when I start jerking off i get too focused on trying to orgasm so that i don’t feel broken. How do I go into it differently??

I’ve ever watched porn and idk if that will help. I’m just not super into the idea of porn.

I also have a vibrator but that doesn’t help. I know it’s all about mindset for me and I just can’t get out of the mindset that if I don’t come close to orgasming within five minutes I just get so turned off and discouraged..I think if I know I’m not alone and that it was hard for other girls their first time it’ll help me get in the right mindset that I CAN do it and I shouldn’t stress.