I came across this picture I took back in April. I remember being so happy and proud of my solid lines! Having have lost sooo many pregnancies due to miscarriage, chemical, or ectopic, I really felt that this was it!

But when I saw it today, my heart broke all over again. I remember the ultrasound and the nurse getting too quiet. And how I felt this huge elephant sit on my chest. And she told me I was having another ectopic, but this time they will remove the tube bc it was rupturing. I remember waking up and the doctor telling me, the pregnancy was not in the tube when they removed it. That maybe indeed it was inside the uterus. But how would the pregnancy survive if I just had so much trauma to that area from invasive surgery? They told me these little guys are strong and that the surgery wouldn’t be enough to abort it. I don’t know about all that, but I do know I bled a lot a week later and my hcg levels dropped to nothing afterwards.

I’m not sure what’s wrong with my body or if I’ll ever be able to give my husband a child that was made from the 2 of us.

I couldn’t talk about this after it happened. This is my first time just really remembering what happened. And it hurts so bad.