How else can he gain my trust back?

Question

My relationship with my so hasn’t always been the greatest. We broke up once and I found out (by him) that he hooked up with a bartender during our breakup. That’s not the problem. The problem is when we got back together, I caught him talking to her still. I confronted him and he deleted her and blocked her on everything. I have also caught him being dishonest before. 
Fast forward to today, our relationship is great, he’s been great and I’m even going to move in with him next month. He even wants to start trying for a baby. I know trust is everything in a relationship but we’re still working on that, it’s not something easy to get back once you’ve lost it. 
Today I asked to see his phone because I’m honestly afraid to waste my time if he’s still being shady so I thought I’d randomly ask for his phone to see how he would react. He showed it to me while still holding it, just showing me the first page of his text messages and then locked it. So I asked again and he got irritated and gave it to me. I was just scrolling through his messages (not reading any, just the names) and he took it away from me. Again, I asked for it. He gave it to me, even more upset and I noticed he had deleted the Snapchat app (a few months ago, I caught him talking to a girl on there. He said they’re just friends and that’s fine but he tried hiding it from me). 
He was getting more and more upset and was telling me that he’s really trying and that he needs me to trust him. I told him it’s not easy and I’m trying but I need him to help me out and be open with me. I think if he had nothing to hide, he wouldn’t mind showing me for my peace of mind... right? Or am I wrong? 
If I was in his shoes, I would do everything it takes to gain his trust back but I don’t feel that he’s doing that. He just wants the trust handed to him. I’m not gonna lie, he’s been great. But it’s not my first rodeo. I know men can lie and deceive up until you stop allowing it. I love this man but I’m just trying to make sure that he’s really done playing games. 
And no, I’m not trying to leave him unless I see proof that he’s lying to me and hiding things.

Accepted Answer

I know it’s not what you want to hear, but I think he’s still doing you wrong behind your back. The way he acted with the phone is super suspicious. Please don’t try a baby with him, he could be wanting it so that he has a way of trying to make you stay even if he does do something again

Answer

All this “you shouldn’t be allowed to look through each others personal things” bullshit really gets my back up. You had personal things, and he broke your trust with that, so he has no right to be mad at you when he’s caused the issue. If you’re needing to keep things private then why is that? That to me is a red flag. In a relationship you should trust each other enough that there are no secrets or boundaries. My fiancé can look through my phone whenever he wants, I have nothing to hide (other than maybe the odd few messages to my best friend moaning when he’s done something stupid😂)! The only things I think should be kept private are say he’s having a conversation with another person that is having a personal issue, that’s not his place to share. I also have access to my fiancé’s phone, we’ve had issues in the past with snapchat, but he’s willing to let me look on his phone if it puts my mind at ease. We have no issues any more🤷🏽‍♀️

Answer

I swear by this....
Look at a piece of glass, all smooth and perfect. Now smash it.
Can you repair it? Yes
Will it be good as new just like before? No
The kind of trust you're looking to regain doesn't exist anymore because the damage is done. Sure you can both really work on it and be together if it's what you both want, but you need to come to a different level of trust, understanding that the relationship is no longer pure. Work on your insecurities or any kind of doubts and see how you go. I dont think ttc right now is the best idea BTW but that's just my opinion. I hope it works out for you some way or other

Answer

He needs to leave. You arent going to get better. You arent happy. 
I think you are wrong, you dont get to just go through his private space on your command. He has to be able to have his things and you have your things. I have been with my husband 8 years and havent gone through his phone once. Not while dating and not while married. It's not your place. 
You dont want to be told to leave, but you want to live in the past. Do both of you a favor and move on. You need to. Either that, or reach out to someone for professional counseling to help you move on from it and heal. Do not start trying for a baby, and do not move in with him. You are absolutely not to that place.

Answer

Only advice is don’t let him convince you to ttc. Trust takes time

Answer

My question to you is why are you trading your peace for this person that you don’t even trust? Your relationship is based on trying to find something to prove he’s a liar, when you already know he’s not trustworthy. Your relationship should be based on a foundation of trust. It’s very difficult to get a foundation of trust in a relationship when one of the people is not actually trustworthy. Even if you never find anything, he could still be cheating. So therefore, nothing can truly be proven at all. ￼Looking through his phone can only ever give you the illusion of safety and control. Until one day you actually find something. By that time, you will have wasted so much of your time keeping tabs on him and driving yourself insane wondering if you can trust him, and you’ll wonder where the years have gone and why you spent so much time with him. Trusting a person is a choice you make based on their actions. Proving trust is hard because the literal definition of trust is FAITH in someone’s abilities. This faith comes only when a persons actions are in line with what they tell you. For example, when they say I love you, and then go and cheat, those words and actions don’t align. Being vulnerable, in this case him showing the phone, is one way to build trust. The problem is if he doesn’t agree with his privacy being taken away, then there’s nothing you can do to control that. Ultimately, you are going to have to make a choice to have faith in him or not. But continuing a relationship with him while trying to control the outcome is not going to end well for anyone.

Answer

the problem is that so much of your mental space is being taken up by monitoring him because you fundamentally dont trust him anymore. youre not going to trust him again and your search for "proof" is not gonna end cause he seems like the deny all type

Answer

Why are you accepting this though? It's not worth it living like that always suspicious and anxious about being cheated. The dick cannot be worth this.

Answer

Once a cheater always a cheater. You need to do what’s best for you, but personally I wouldn’t waste my time with any of that nonsense.

Answer

If you want to have a future with him you need to leave the past where it belongs! Not bring it up and think you can have his phone whenever you want. Yes, how he reacted when you asked for his phone was suspicious. My hubby would just hand over his phone as there’s been times my phone has died and I’ve asked to use hubby’s and it’s not been an issue. If you can’t move past this you need to just leave him x

How else can he gain my trust back?

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