Anyone Else Worried About Picking Up Their Older Child While Pregnant?

Question

So I’m in my first trimester. My son is 3 and 37 pounds! My son has Autism, and he goes to applied behavioral analysis 40 hours a week because he has moderate to severe Autism—please don’t get me started on the symptoms of Autism but this is relevant to my question I promise. At ABA they teach him how to communicate what he wants by using positive reinforcement. My son can now say “up” when he wants picked up. For him to do that, it is HUGE and for him to continue to do it, we are supposed to honor his request which is the positive reinforcement for us to pick him up. He loves to be held and cuddled. I haven’t had any issues with holding him and carrying him while pregnant, but I’m nervous he’s too heavy to carry. DH is amazing and tries to do most of the picking up/carrying our son. Should I keep picking him up or should I ask his therapists for a solution on how to honor his request or get our son to understand that mommy can’t pick him up all the time?

Answer

I have 4 kids and picked them up. The safety issue is for you hurting your ligaments, not the pregnancy, unless there's an issue like placenta previa or cervix problems. If you're used to pickling him up and it doesn't strain you, you can do it. They used to tell all pregnant women no heavy lifting because ultrasound technology wasn't strong enough to diagnose these issues. The current recommendation is you can lift what you are used to. When I had placenta previa the limit was 25 pounds....still pretty high.

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Here’s my son

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This is my position but my daughter is 2 and about 28 lbs. Her dad is in the picture so he helps when he is around. I still pick her up and am scared but so far I’m 18 weeks and everything is okay . I sit down with my baby girl a lot and let her hug and sit with me.

Answer

My sister got told to stop carrying her 3 year old when she started getting more pregnant too. 
My suggestion is try sitting down and then picking him up or placing him on your lap. Maybe see if the therapist can alter it to make that an appropriate solution for both of you? Then it means your son is still getting your attention but you’re also not harming you and the baby￼￼￼.

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I definitely recommend sitting down first and then pick up. Less strain on your back and other muscles.

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You’re son might be 3 and 37 lbs mine 2 and 35lbs and I worry that she’s putting on strain on my body and the baby especially when she’s throwing tantrums in the store or want to get in and out of the cart. I actually use my upper leg to help her up

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Great ideas. I did talk to his therapists and they did say we can do denied access for requests for “up”. He should be walking more and being more independent in that regard. He wants to be carried throughout the grocery store ugh! Probably have to revamp some things to prevent this!

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My youngest was 4 & 40 ish pounds when I was pregnant with his brother. I picked him up all the time. It was fine.

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Maybe ask him if you can sit first, and for him to join you. My daughter liked to be carried- always has- but I’ve explained that it’s getting harder and that I can cuddle her on the couch and it usually appeases her. My daughter is 38 pounds and I can still carry her for short bursts at 37 weeks pregnant, but it does hurt. It won’t affect the baby, but it’s just a pain. I’m sure you have to handle it differently, but that age is a good time to start teaching your children (if you haven’t already) that people have a right to their bodies and to say no. We’ve taught my daughter to say “no thank you” when she doesn’t want kisses, cuddles, tickles, etc and that we are allowed to say the same in return when we don’t like something or don’t want to do something.

Answer

Hi Chelsea! I am about 15 weeks pregnant with a 2.5 year old and a BCBA doing ABA with kids with autism. 
Mom thoughts: I pick up my toddler all the time, throw her around, I figure moms have been doing it since the beginning of time
Clinical thoughts: that is WONDERFUL that your child is now asking for what he wants!!! Such a huge step. 100% agree that you want to continue reinforcing the behavior. However, it’s important to always have plans for fading that “dense” reinforcement. I would talk with your behavior analyst about your concerns and also make sure they know you’re pregnant. It will be really important for your son to learn delay and denial tolerance (I.e., how to accept “no” or “wait”) when new baby is here so this is the time to teach him. There are some great systematic ways to teach it so definitely communicate with your behavior analyst! Good luck!!!

Anyone Else Worried About Picking Up Their Older Child While Pregnant?

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