tw//my bf raped me

Please no hate on the situation I’m already hurting enough but he finally admitted to raping me twice and somehow made it my fault for not speaking up enough? How do you not know you’re raping someone?

I just feel so alone being abused by someone i cared so deeply about

edit: hi thank you for the nice and supportive comments if i could respond anonymously to them i would. I cant begin to explain how much they have meant to me ive re-read each of them so many times. Thank you

- i haven’t taken it to the police bc this is the first time he admitted to it happening/ and im not ready to go through what would happen if i did take it to the police

- typically he is eager to have sex and i almost never refuse so on the two days i did he just kept going when i asked him to stop. I feel like I normalized what happened and its taken me a while to come to terms that it was rape

- i was bringing it up to him so i could heal and get clarity to the situation. I wanted an apology or for him to recognize how much it hurt me but i didn’t get that. He makes everything about himself and couldnt even take into account how i felt being raped