Do I need help?

I’ve always been a really skinny person. Never got over 115. My sister and I in my eyes always seemed to have a competition on who weighed the less and I guess that put in my brain I had to weigh very little or I was “fat”. Even though it would make sense I was heavier because she’s 5’1 and I’m 5’7.

Well because I was always naturally skinny and afraid of weight gain I loved my slim body. Unfortunately for me I got pregnant and then started birth control after and it made me HUGE in my eyes. I hated it. It made me so depressed and actually hate myself. I tried for over two years and I just recently started losing weight. I was 132-135 in October. By Nov I was 116. Exactly a month later I am now 109. My mom (whom I don’t live with but occasionally visit) keeps saying I need to eat more and she can tell by looking at my waist I’m really skinny. I don’t know I think I have a problem. I want to get down to 100 and I’m not sure if then I’ll be satisfied. I have a small mom pouch I know will come back if I gain the weight back and I don’t think I can do it. I was always told I was too skinny while having no type of diet or eating disorder but then when I was bigger not only did I hate myself I was fat shamed. It’s like I can never just feel happy about myself.

The first picture you can’t tell well because my shorts are pulled up but I can’t stand the thought of weight. I miss my butt and thighs but I don’t know..

To those who commented thank you. I spoke with my mental health department and will be getting a call sometime this upcoming week. I didn’t go too into detail but I’m scared. I want help but I don’t want weight gain. I’m genuinely so sad and confused.