Going on a date after trauma

TW sexual trauma

Yesterday I went on a first date after sexual trauma as a child, and it was all good until it was so obvious he was going in for a kiss. It would have been my first kiss and honestly I know it would’ve been good but I couldn’t bring myself to do it so I avoided it and now I feel awful. Its like my body just froze. It’s so unfair to him to have to deal with me after so many things have resurfaced , I want things to continue but I don’t know how if I won’t be able to kiss him or be that physical with him. I’m so close to just cutting him off and telling him I’m sorry but I don’t want to do that. I like him a lot and he is an incredible person but I just feel so guilty if I can’t match what he wants. And it feels like I’m playing him around because I’m fine hugging and holding hands and other things but when it comes to kissing or other intimacy I cannot do it

Does anyone have any advice for me?