Where do I start... After ttc for 16 months I finally found out I was pregnant I was the happiest person on this world. I was so excited and went on to have a beautiful baby boy. 4 months on I found out I was pregnant again even though I was taking the pill. When I told my partner he was very upset and told me we had no other choice than to terminate the pregnancy already both having previous kids this would be our 4th he convinced me we never had the space or money and I agreed. I went to the clinic the following day when they scanned me they said they couldn’t see anything as I was only around 4 weeks but they gave me an abortion pack to take away with me which included 1 tablet you take followed by 4 pills vaginally 2 days later. The next day without thinking I swallowed the pill and within 5 mins found myself crying and googling can it be reversed, to which I got in touch with a company called Apr and spoke to a nurse from America and me being in the uk she was helping me. She told me I had a 68% of survival if I started taking progesterone tablets. She got a doctor from my area to call me and prescribed me the medication I collected the medication behind my partners back and obviously started straight away without telling him. I never took the other pills as I was suppose to. When I mentioned to him I couldn’t do the second part he got really angry told me I had ruined his life I ruined everything and that he would never forgive me for keeping this baby. I still continued to try and save my baby taking tablets every 6 hours aswell as folic acid and vitimin d. This morning I woke up around 1am bleeding heavily and feel like I passed what would have been the fetus 😔 my partner was out with his friends at the time and when I told him the bleeding and pain had started he ignored my message and never came home

Until 6am this morning. I can’t deal with what I have done and massively beating myself up. I am so ashamed of my actions and don’t know how I will ever recover from this. My relationship is on the rocks as I have told my bf to leave my house until I figure things out. I’m not looking for sympathy as I know what I done was terrible and I’m giving myself such a hard time so please come be mean to me. Just needed to tell someone :(