What do I do? What am I doing?

My marriage isn't going the way I imagined it to go. We are 5 years in 2 kids and our physical, emotional and sexual attraction isn't there anymore for me. I find myself wanting to download a dating site. Not for physical or sexual just emotional. I want to just have a flirty friendship. Somebody that makes me feel something inside, no fight no cursing each other out, or yelling in front of our kids. I want my confidence back after having kids and my husband talking to different woman throughout our relationship. That broke me it really broke me to the point thats all I think about and having a hard time to forgive him. Yeah it happened last year around Christmas time. I just want to feel something, feel special. I dont feel anything with him anymore. I feel like my life is just running right past me and I'm here not wanting to be in my marriage but feeling like I have to because ill have nothing without him, and we have kids together. We are in the military so yeah there's that. I barley smile anymore, I'm just not happy at all. EVERYTHING HE DOES IRRIATES ME. I SNAP AT HIM ALL THE TIME. I'm bipolar so I'm a fucking crazy lady. I'm always mad, always upset. Sorry for going on and on. Just wanted to vent because I am lost 😔 so lost on why I feel this way, on how I can fix it.

No harsh comments please