I need to vent a little so I’m sorry if it’s long or too wordy... the last several days I’ve been super emotional. I know I was starting my period, but I mean it’s so much worse then all the other weeks right before I got it. One minute I’m laughing and having a great time then when I go to bed or have a few minutes to myself in my car or something I just start crying. I feel like I know what the cause of it is, which is all this crazy stress that I like to build up until I implode, but I just feel so psycho. Like I’ve lost control of my thoughts and feelings and I can’t get them in check any more. Lately all I’ve been wanting to do is stay inside and in my room away from everything else.

I just graduated from vocational college which feels like an underachievement because I feel like if I don’t have an associates or something it’s not good enough. It will never be good enough. I can’t start my career because of COVID and I have tried having private clients or working for someone and I just can’t get anything to stick. So far I can’t get a job in literally anything else. Some of the family I’m living with thinks I’m lazy and not pulling my weight when I am really serious about trying to do what I need to do. I’m sick of the passive aggressive bullshit. I’m sick of where I’m living at and I could go move in with my dad and step mom but I always miss being where I’m at now living with my mom. I’m going to be 23 next month and I feel like I haven’t done anything to be productive adult. There’s a guy I really like but I can’t seem to ask him out and I keep making up all these excuses why I shouldn’t suggest we date or something. There’s another guy that’s my best friend who I don’t know if I like him or not or I’m just thinking I’m developing feelings for him so I don’t ask out the other guy?

I don’t know I’m really just lost in all my crap. I’m sorry this is a lot but I needed to write it down somewhere so it gets it out of my head so maybe I can stop kicking myself in the ass all the time. I think I’m depressed and I have anxiety all the damn time. It’s hard for me to go to stores and things like that because I get so irritated so fast for no reason, but it’s because of my nervousness around people... thank you for letting me vent I’m just going to end this here.