How do I stop dwelling

I can’t stop thinking about how the hospital neglected me with my last pregnancy. They’ve let me walk out with life threatening issues (different ones) twice.

I understand they can only give a diagnosis on the information they’re given and the most likely outcome but it just isn’t fair.

On the 12th of September 2020 I began spotting at 12 weeks pregnant. Bright red, on and off. I went to the ER just to get checked out because I was extremely nervous and it was my first pregnancy, but because it was a Saturday they wouldn’t call for an ultrasound on the weekend, not even a bedside one the ER doctor could do, this was because I wasn’t in any pain and I wasn’t bleeding heavier. I was having extremely mild cramps, so they gave me some pain killers and sent me home and told me to come back on Monday for an ultrasound. If they had have at least taken blood and checked my hcg they would’ve seen there was an issue because I’d been having betas regularly.

So anyway, Sunday night rolls around and I start having left sided pain, on and off, whilst I’m trying to sleep. Knowing I have an ultrasound booked for the next morning I ignore it and go to sleep.

Monday morning the pain is a lot worse, still spotting on and off, so I went into the hospital early and asked to be seen ASAP because of the pain. I get sent through as soon as the first person arrives and there it is. A 2cm gestational sac up near my left ovary, likely in the tube along with fluid in my abdomen. From there I was sent to emergency and transferred to a different hospital that has the skill to deal with these issues.

At the second hospital it was again confirmed by ultrasound, my hcg had dropped over the weekend and I was given an option, the shot or the surgery. They said i quality because “my hcg is low” and “you’re not ruptured or rupturing because you’d be in more pain” and “you’d be white as a ghost if you were” so they gave me the day to decide, which I was leaning more towards surgery because I wanted it over with and I knew fluid in my abdomen was likely blood and meant something was really wrong.

Overnight the pain picked up a whole lot, the surgeon was a little worried but still gave me the choice. I knew something was wrong so I opted surgery. Everyone told me I wasn’t ruptured because I’d be in more pain, I was early and my hcg was low. But when they got in, guess what, I was ruptured and out came the left tube along with baby.

I just can’t stop being angry at the hospital, mainly the first one, for neglecting me, again. They told me “it’s probably normal” and “you can deal with a miscarriage on your own at home” which is pretty cruel to say to someone.

I’m blessed to have gotten pregnant again, the first cycle after my ectopic (even with a partner with fertility issies) when the ectopic took over a year on its own, but I’m still just so angry.

I don’t know how to get over it