Am I in the wrong? Please help.

Question

My partner and I are expecting are first child later in the year, the problem is he is quite traditional and wants the child to only have his last name yet we are unmarried. I myself have a hyphenated last name but he is kicking up such a storm and saying he wanted things to go his way... when in fact everything in our relationship goes his way even down to times we have sex. I get hardly any affection from him when we found out I was pregnant I didn’t get a hug or a kiss... nothing, it broke my heart. He has a big family and I only have my mum I feel so alone with this pregnancy already. I’ve tried to compromise and say he can pick the middle name and anything else, but I would like my family name on the birth certificate but we can use his last name for everything he refuses to listen or find a middle ground. It’s really confusing me as it feels like he doesn’t respect me or my wishes regarding our child and I feel like he’s only with me to give him kids because he always says things like “his family” or he just wants “his own family”. I’m at a loss.

Accepted Answer

If you’re pregnant and unmarried, then he can drop the “traditional” act. He must not be THAT traditional. It’s your decision what last name baby gets. Put your foot down and tell him how it will go. If he wants you all to have the same last name to be more “traditional”, then he can change his last name if you two get married. You’re not wrong at all.

Answer

Are you happy in your relationship? Because it doesn’t really sound like it. Personally I could never be with someone who was intent on dictating everything about our relationship. What you want is valid too. Relationships involve compromise on everyone’s part, not just yours.
I think that before baby arrives, you might want to really think if being with someone uncompromising is what you want for your life long term. That’s not the kind of thing that magically gets better once you become parents, and sometimes just the opposite.

Answer

My partner did the exact same thing only he didn't mind our girls having my last name at all and then when we had a boy he said his son needed to have his last name. I told him that all our kids are equal and I want all 3 to have the same last name. If he wants them to have his last name he can pop the question and we'll all take his surname 😂💍

Answer

I don’t know what kind of conversations you’ve had with your partner but I think he probably needs to read what you’ve written- or at least you need to tell some version of it to his face.
Your post is quite heartbreaking and any decent partner would want to rectify any issue that is making their other half feel like they’re not respected. 
Before you start getting upset or too resentful make sure he knows exactly how you feel about the issue and how his unwillingness to compromise is making you feel. If you haven’t had this conversation with him than there is every possibility he doesn’t know how genuinely upset you are by this.
I also don’t know how serious you are when you say you don’t compromise on anything in your relationship and most issues tend to bow to his preferences. A healthy relationship is all about each partner discussing their boundaries and making compromises. 
I tend to agree with other comments questioning how “traditional” he is when you’re both involved in a de facto relationship (which there is absolutely nothing wrong with!). However, I would have thought a hyphenated last name would have been an assumption?
In contrast I just wanted to add that when I married my husband I kept my maiden name. However when I had my first child he took only my husband’s last name. My husband is from Afghanistan and we both felt that we wanted our son’s name to hark back to his father’s roots given we live in Australia and he is quite far away and distant from his father’s culture. These were decisions my husband and I came to after extensive discussion though! Also a hyphenated version of our names would have possibly been the ugliest last name in history given my last name is German and his Afghani 😂, I was more than happy for my son to just have my husband’s last name!

Answer

I think men have this thing about “carrying on their family name” and such. Do you think you and him will ever get married? If so, would you take his name or keep your own? I guess it depends on things like that cause you’d want your baby to still have the same name as you

Answer

Looks like everyone pretty much covered everything! If he’s not willing to compromise then why should you? If he’s still acting like a douche bag when baby arrives then simply hyphenate baby’s name. There’s nothing he can do about it except get mad 🤷🏽‍♀️ why are his feelings more valid than yours? News flash for him: their not!!! If he wants to break up because you didn’t do what he said then your better off without him and baby will still have both names

Answer

So here it goes- you’re not married and as much as he’d like to be”traditional”, he’s a hypocrite at this point unless he’s proposed and you two have plans to get married! I would tell him the baby is getting your last name, since your relationship at this point is not official legally.. if he wants to get married later on, you can always legally have the baby’s last name changed.. until then, sorry bud!

Am I in the wrong? Please help.

Let’s Glow

Glow is here for you on your path to pregnancy

25+ million

4.8 stars

20+

Getting Pregnant

Pregnancy

1st Year (Baby & You)

Baby Products