9DPO FEELING DOWN

I should of waited to test😔 idk why the hell I do this to myself each month! I thought I seen a super faint positive today but in reality could be a indent or I just want to see a second line so badly. Hopefully it was the start of something idk. I know I’m testing early and I’m not out til AF shows I’m just feeling discouraged! Also been so crampy today like AF coming really soon maybe early I’m 5 days away from my cycle my other app says 6😖. Month 12 TTC!